Posts tagged love

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

“Nothing more, nothing less”

Such a simple thing
A love to be reckoned with
I don’t need much else

January 2009: I had everything planned. I knew what I was going to do in college, I had a career set, and I even knew who I was going to marry. By April of 2009, the world as I knew it was shattered. A single event tore down the future I had mapped out.

January 2010: I’m lost. I have no idea where to go after RCC, I’m teetering between a few career paths, and have toyed with others’ emotions all too many times. Thankfully, I’ve found someone that I really enjoy being with.

Everything changed for me after that day in April. I was so used to how things in my old relationship were that I forgot what the real world was like. I made my own reality. I lost friends, my family would complain, and I felt like I had to choose sides.

This summer, I learned a lot about myself. I found out that I’m capable of being heartless, selfish, and everything that I never wanted to be. I used others to get attention, to fill the emptiness that I was feeling and that I had brought upon myself. I didn’t care about the people I was hurting. All I wanted was that feeling of being wanted, or even being loved, even if only for a moment.

Now, I’m trying to acclimate myself to how things should be. It’s not easy, but I’m getting better at it. I’m infinitely grateful to have found someone so patient and understanding. I have high hopes for us, and I’m sure he does too.

I’ve also come to realize the difference between love and infatuation: Loving someone makes you feel wonderful, as if nothing bad could ever happen. You get butterflies from a touch or a kiss, and you feel comfortable around them. Infatuation pulls you into a hole, and you can only dig deeper. When you’re with that someone, you smother them, and when you’re away, you feel sick and hopeless.

I’m still not completely sure what is to become of my life this year, but I suppose no one knows that. All I can do is continue on the path I feel is right for me and hope it works out in the end.

“The only constant is change.” - Heraclitus